You know you are having a crappy day at work when the doctor leaves you an urgent voicemail. As soon as I could call her back, I hear the dreaded words "breast cancer." Out of five lumps, three are benign, one is too deep to be reached, and one is malignant. The malignant lump is diagnosed as an invasive mammographic lesion. It's Stage 1 (less than 2 cm in size) and grade 3. Grade 3 means that it's an atypical, fast growing cell. The bonus was that its triple negative. That means it will not respond to hormone therapy from estrogen, progesterone, and has no signs of HER2. And I'm more likely to have a recurrence in another part of my body later in life. So how do I get rid of it?
Remove the lump. Get radiation, maybe chemo. So I start thinking of what that means: adding a team of doctors to my contact list, taking time off from work and how to fit treatments into my schedule.
Then the bomb drops. The oncologist tells me I will lose my hair. My heart sinks. I love my hair. I've spent years growing it out so I can perfect the Princess Leia buns. I go through shock each time I cut it. I can't imagine it coming out in clumps. That's when the severity of my diagnosis hits me.
The hardest four words I have ever spoken in my life are, "I have breast cancer." It was hard enough to figure out how to tell the people I love. But to add losing my hair... I lost it. And that's when the rest of the bad news followed.
I learned that after chemo, a woman's eggs can be damaged. I was advised to consider egg harvesting before I start chemo. I would have make this decision in less than 48 hours if I wanted to make it within the window to get the eggs retrieved. My oncologist wanted chemo to start right away. My surgeon wanted to remove the lump as quickly as possible too. I proceeded to the fertility doctor recommended to me. She advised me to start hormone injections and strongly consider making a decision about my future family. I would have make this decision in less than 48 hours if I wanted to make it within the window to get the eggs retrieved.
I've never had to make a serious life decision like that. I'm 31, happily not yet married to the best boyfriend in the world. I had no idea how he would take the idea of me asking him to make an immediate decision about any future family we could plan. I couldn't bear the thought of trying to have kids then have cancer return. I can't imagine my life without him, my close friends and family. The odds of us having a natural conception after I undergo chemo is 5-10%. What about the cost to harvest the eggs, cryo-freezing and invitro-fertilization? Expensive, but cheaper than adoption. That shocked me. My head was spinning about what to do. I figured this would be the toughest decision I have to make. At least that's what I thought.
Now, I have an appointment to determine if the 5th lump is malignant too. If it is, then a mastectomy will have to be considered for removing my right breast. Plus, I start prep-work for the egg retrieval.
It's amazing how much your life can change in just 48 hours. More news to follow. Hopefully photos / video as I go through treatment.
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