Bring it on...

Finally got some good news for a change.  First, I don't have the breast cancer or ovarian cancer genes. Second, no mastectomy will be needed. Finally, I can get the lumpectomy done this Friday with egg retrieval on Sunday. And that's what brings me to the next challenge: overcoming fear. 

I've been positive about the results so far. Now reality is sinking in. I'm not afraid of surgery, or recovery from it. I'm not too worried about radiation either. Chemo is my big fear. I'm worried about the side effects and long term risks that come with it. Losing hair is one thing, but losing the opportunity to potentially have a family is worse. There's adoption and egg harvesting and all, but there's always the chance that the breast cancer could come back. Or there's a chance that the breast cancer cells may spread to other parts of my body. I can't imagine starting a family with that type of information. It feels like I would be starting a family with a big question mark of when or if the cancer will return.

I'm afraid of the results that will come with cancer, the fatigue, the amount of time that it will take for me to get back to my normal routine. I'm equally afraid that I may not have a normal routine after all this concludes. There are so many "what if's" that it intimidates and overwhelms me. 

I'm grateful that everyone has said that I'm handling this remarkably well. I'm surprised by that too. But it doesn't mean that I don't cry sometimes. And it doesn't mean that I don't get scared and worry about things. I do. I'm going to try to deal with things head on. 

I think that true courage is when you take action, face your challenges, and recognize them even if you are afraid. My sister did that with her cancer. She set a great example for me. I hope to do the same for others.  I don't believe in being sad about this diagnosis. I'm thankful that it was caught early on. I'm happy that I'm getting the love and support I need from the people that matter most. And I think in the end this diagnosis will be a good thing. I will learn strength and resilience in this fight. Bring it on...I'm ready. 

The reason I say all this is so that we all appreciate the little things, simple pleasures and daily reminders of what makes  life so great. I hope you get the chance each day to find joy in those moments of pure love, happiness or contentment. 

And that brings me to my request. People have been asking how they can help me out. Right now, I'm OK. Once I start chemo and radiation, I will probably be tired and find it difficult to go out.  That's why I would love it if you come and hang out with me. Send me messages, texts, anything that you think would make you or me smile. That's what I really need--reminders of how great life is.  

Either way, I look forward to seeing you, and getting this darn lump out already!