Some good news...

Hello Everyone. Here's the latest update that I have.  My lumpectomy went very well. I'm still recuperating. They performed a sentinel node biopsy  during my surgery. Three nodes were removed. All of them are have no cancer. The lump they removed left about 0.5 cm of margins, which is very small. Margins are the area around the lump that still contain traces of cancer. The smaller the margins, the cleaner and better the odds of chemo and radiation being effective. 

It's been two week since surgery. I have three incisions left. The incisions are under my right arm, just where your arm moves. It hurts each time I move my arm. I'm still incredibly sore and burns a bit. I can't take pain medication at work otherwise I will be loopy. Not the best idea if you want to conduct business, but at least it would entertain my coworkers.  The only way to relieve the pain is to ice the area down, take medication when I can, and not lift or raise my arm if it can be helped.

Plus my chest is still taped up from the incisions. I feel like a boy sometimes since I'm all taped up. I have to sleep and wear sports bras all the time. Daily tasks--showering, changing the dressing for the incisions, reaching into cabinets, sleeping--is pretty challenging. My boyfriend has been great at helping with getting some of the basic things taken care of. It interesting to explain to him how he can help me put on a sports bra. I couldn't really lift my arms. We devised a system where I kneel down, bend over, and he scoots it over me like a pair of panty hose.  It's veven funnier to explain to him that some sports bras have two layers underneath--and painful when it gets caught up in my arm. I'm so grateful for all of his help though. 

While I heal up, I had my egg retrieval last week. They put me under general anesthetic. I don't remember how they retrieved the eggs, but I believe they went in vaginally to get them. I have no scars, pain, or other complications from the procedure. I can't believe how much weight the hormones made me gain. I lost 7 pounds in the past week by coming off the hormones!  My body was very responsive to the hormones. They managed to get 14 mature eggs.  That's not enough though if I want to have more than one child. They recommend removing at least 10 eggs per child you want to have.

 I'll be undergoing my second round of egg retrieval in two weeks.  I will have to be more careful with my injections this time. One of the ones I administered went too deep, and I have a nasty bruise. Ladies--If you ever have to get shots, remember that a bigger gauge needle is better. The larger the gauge, the smaller the needle size. I already have the hormones so I'm ready to get that started. 

The next step that I have to do is find a place to store the eggs. LIVESTRONG recommended a company that has a facility in Reno. I plan to visit them, get a tour, and make sure that I feel comfortable with their process. I'm a very protective mommy of my yet-to-be-fertilized off spring. After my second round of egg harvesting, all the eggs can be sent to them for storage. I'm excited to see how the process works. 

I can't believe that it's been almost two months since I was diagnosed. So much has happened. It makes me appreciate how important it is to help others so they don't get cancer.  My sister sent me this video and it made me think.

There's a fantastic study underway with the American Cancer Society. It's a cancer prevention study. (I wrote about it in my last blog post.) They are looking for volunteers to sign up by Aug. 10, 2013. Please consider and sign up to help find a root cause, and cure, for cancer.

Here's the link for the Bay Area: http://www.cps3bayarea.org/
Click on the county you live in to sign up.

If you are outside the Bay Area, click here to find your local area and how to sign up: http://m.cancer.org/research/researchtopreventcancer/cps3-where-to-join

How to help ...

Want to help end the fight against cancer? The American Cancer Society in the Bay Area is looking for 300,000 participants nationwide, between the ages of 30 and 65, never diagnosed with cancer, and willing to be involved in this 20 year long study. They evaluate the health history of each person and track their environmental factors. The goal is to find out what may cause cancer. Hopefully not everyone will get cancer. If you do get it, they still want you to participate. I strongly encourage you to consider signing up. The deadline to apply is Aug. 10, 2013. Help find a cure!

Here's the link for the Bay Area: http://www.cps3bayarea.org
Click on the county you live in to sign up.

If you are outside the Bay Area, click here to find your local area and how to sign up: http://m.cancer.org/research/researchtopreventcancer/cps3-where-to-join

Your support is appreciated. I would do it, but, as you can guess with the title of this blog, I don't qualify. Please share this info, spread the word, and participate to help all those out there who are not yet diagnosed. 

We. Can. End. Cancer. Just one step at a time. Thank you!

Follow up to surgery...

Surgery went well on Friday. I was lucky. I found out that I don't have the BRCA gene; that means no mastectomy needed. Only one lymph node removed. The procedure is a "sentinel lymph node" removal. And only the 1 lump removed. I'm still really sore, but I can go into that another time. What was really great was hanging out with friends and family this past weekend. It's helping me recover faster. 

Here are some interesting photos from the surgery that I hope explain the process. First, I was injected with a radioactive dye so the surgeon could trace the lymph nodes that were connected to the malignant lump. That hurt and burned like crazy because no local anesthetic was used. (If you have to undergo something like that, please ask for anesthesia. It makes a difference.) After that, I went to the surgery center and waited for the lump to be prepped.

To remove the lump, they have to insert a "J-wire" into the lump itself.  You can see that in my x-ray below. The wire sticks out pretty far so I had to be careful while I moved my arm before surgery. 

You can see the "j-wire" actually looks like a J. And that it's directly in the black dot, the lump that was going to be removed. The lump is less than 1 cm in size. The two bright white dots are fibroid lumps that were tagged during core biopsy procedures.

The surgery lasted for only about 1 1/2 hours. I was put under general anesthesia, so I felt nothing during the entire procedure. They went in under my arm to remove the lymph node and lump. Hopefully, I will only have a small scar after I heal. My arm has been sore ever since. I was lucky that no other lymph nodes were affected when they tested the one node removed during surgery. Otherwise, the surgeon would have removed a lot more. That could lead to lymphodema and limited use of my arm.  

My mother and sister were with me the whole time. We had some great laughs and reminisced over good times. We were so loud that every time the nurses walked by. They must have thought we were crazy for laughing so hard. I think that helped me calm down, even though I was in tears from laughing so hard. I got a sexy photo with each one of them.

The strange thing is waking up in the recovery room with my chest taped up. It felt like I was trying to be a boy since they were so smushed together. Funny, but sore at the same time. I've been icing my chest and arm down all weekend. My arm has been numb off and on since then. I hope that's not too permanent. I'll have to find out  from the doctor though. 

The entire day lasted from 6:45AM to 4PM. It was a long day of surgery, but worth it. I am happy to end the first step and start the next stages of treatment. It was even better when my boyfriend got to take me home and take care of me. He's really good at that. He was careful while he gave me hugs though. He was worried about squeezing me too tightly after surgery. 

The great thing was that it was an outpatient procedure. That allowed me to catch up with good friends at a their wedding, see a friend's adorable daughter celebrate her 3rd birthday, and relax with my friends and family after surgery. All in all, not a bad weekend. 

Now it's time for the next step... Egg retrieval. That's coming up on Wednesday so fingers crossed that everything goes according to plan. Plus, I get the pathology results from the lump and lymph node removed from surgery in one week. Hopefully, that comes back OK too.

Bring it on...

Finally got some good news for a change.  First, I don't have the breast cancer or ovarian cancer genes. Second, no mastectomy will be needed. Finally, I can get the lumpectomy done this Friday with egg retrieval on Sunday. And that's what brings me to the next challenge: overcoming fear. 

I've been positive about the results so far. Now reality is sinking in. I'm not afraid of surgery, or recovery from it. I'm not too worried about radiation either. Chemo is my big fear. I'm worried about the side effects and long term risks that come with it. Losing hair is one thing, but losing the opportunity to potentially have a family is worse. There's adoption and egg harvesting and all, but there's always the chance that the breast cancer could come back. Or there's a chance that the breast cancer cells may spread to other parts of my body. I can't imagine starting a family with that type of information. It feels like I would be starting a family with a big question mark of when or if the cancer will return.

I'm afraid of the results that will come with cancer, the fatigue, the amount of time that it will take for me to get back to my normal routine. I'm equally afraid that I may not have a normal routine after all this concludes. There are so many "what if's" that it intimidates and overwhelms me. 

I'm grateful that everyone has said that I'm handling this remarkably well. I'm surprised by that too. But it doesn't mean that I don't cry sometimes. And it doesn't mean that I don't get scared and worry about things. I do. I'm going to try to deal with things head on. 

I think that true courage is when you take action, face your challenges, and recognize them even if you are afraid. My sister did that with her cancer. She set a great example for me. I hope to do the same for others.  I don't believe in being sad about this diagnosis. I'm thankful that it was caught early on. I'm happy that I'm getting the love and support I need from the people that matter most. And I think in the end this diagnosis will be a good thing. I will learn strength and resilience in this fight. Bring it on...I'm ready. 

The reason I say all this is so that we all appreciate the little things, simple pleasures and daily reminders of what makes  life so great. I hope you get the chance each day to find joy in those moments of pure love, happiness or contentment. 

And that brings me to my request. People have been asking how they can help me out. Right now, I'm OK. Once I start chemo and radiation, I will probably be tired and find it difficult to go out.  That's why I would love it if you come and hang out with me. Send me messages, texts, anything that you think would make you or me smile. That's what I really need--reminders of how great life is.  

Either way, I look forward to seeing you, and getting this darn lump out already!

Playing the waiting game

To answer everyone's question: What's the final result of the doctor appointments? When do I have surgery? What does this all mean? 

There is some good news and some bad news. The good news is that the 5th lump I have is benign. Four out of the five lumps are cancer-free. YAY!  The bad news is that I still don't have results from the BRCA gene testing. I won't have those results until the end of this week at the earliest. I have to postpone my surgery until we get the results. This stinks because I have to keep juggling my work schedule, and change my plans with friends and family all time. 

The waiting game is driving me crazy. Plus having to shift my hormone injections and doctors appointments around due to the wait is not helping either. But I'm very lucky to have such a crack medical team to support me and work with me.  You can just picture the medical team coming together in their capes and flying to my rescue. :)

The fertility doctor and her team are amazing. They even helped me get Fertile Hope to help cover the cost of my fertility drugs and surgery. Fertile Hope (click to see their page) is part of LIVESTRONG. They provide financial assistance and support to cancer patients who are at risk for infertility. I'm very lucky that I got approved for some financial support. Every little bit helps. (Contact me if you want to know about the doctor.) I cannot put into words how much their help has made this process easier to deal with.

It's quite strange though to have to inject myself with hormones every day, then run to the doctor's office each morning to check my blood work and find out if my "oven" is at the right temperature and settings, so to speak. My boyfriend constantly makes me laugh because he gets to stick it to me whenever he administers the injections. It makes the soreness after the injections less painful. Tonight was the second night that I did my own injections. There is something surreal about having tract marks on your stomach. Hopefully the heal up before I get into a swimsuit. 

Going back to breast cancer, I've been reading up more and more on cancer. My surgeon recommended it. I was told to look up "Dr. Love's breast book." As much as it sounds like a the name of a bad porn movie, that is the actual title of the book. Dr. Love wrote an incredible book that breaks down how to understand the steps in breast cancer treatment and breakdown the medical lingo in terms anyone can read. It's a very big book, but a great go to reference, at a very reasonable price. (Amazon has it for only $9.00!)  I highly recommend it if you have friends or family that go through the breast cancer journey.

The other book I've been browsing through is a great collection of books my sister gave me, with another fun title: Crazy, Sexy Cancer. They helped my sister get through thyroid cancer. The books are basically "how to" guides on surviving any and all types of cancer. They cover nutrition, spirituality, support and how to work with family and friends through the process. I have enjoyed her approach on what it is like to be young, deal with cancer, and try to find the humor in it all. 

Part of why I'm doing this blog is to share resources with friends and family, if interested in a good read. The books are great to read if you are know someone that has cancer, or if you want to just know more about the subject.  Happy Reading!

And stay tuned... more big news to follow.

Needles, hormones and waiting. Oh my!

Still waiting for results from the biopsy of the 5th lump. Nothing new there. But, after a day filled with doctor appointments, I learned some new things.

First, my boyfriend is being incredibly supportive by overcoming his fear of needles and administering my hormone injections. I seem to fall more in love with as we go on this journey together. He is truly the best man I could ask for as my life partner and my heart.

Second, my sister is my rock. She has been my hetero-life mate for years. She comes with me to all my appointments. She understands my situation because she is a cancer survivor. She was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and Lupus in her 20s. I'm so grateful that she is finding the strength to help me in the midst of her own challenges.

Then there are all the phone calls, texts and Facebook posts from family and friends. If you are reading this, your support is making a huge difference. Thank you. Please keep sending the messages and calls to me, my sis, and my boyfriend. This will make all the difference in the long run.

Ok. Now photo time. I've got a few to share. There is one of me as I get ready for my ultrasound. Then one of me icing my boob after the biopsy, along with my attempt to get Starbucks to sponsor me and my prototype Starbucks breast ice pack. And then a photo of the hormone cocktail that has to be injected into me for egg harvesting (not too painful--thank you boyfriend).  

More updates to follow once we get test results. Next week will be epic... Potential lumpectomy and egg harvesting. Fingers crossed that it all goes ok. :)

(Starbucks owes me for this shameless promotion.)

(This is not as painful as it appears. Promise.)

June 11th... The call that started it all

You know you are having a crappy day at work when the doctor leaves you an urgent voicemail. As soon as I could call her back, I hear the dreaded words "breast cancer." Out of five lumps, three are benign, one is too deep to be reached, and one is malignant. The malignant lump is diagnosed as an invasive mammographic lesion. It's Stage 1 (less than 2 cm in size) and grade 3. Grade 3 means that it's an atypical, fast growing cell. The bonus was that its triple negative. That means it will not respond to hormone therapy from estrogen, progesterone, and  has no signs of HER2. And I'm more likely to have a recurrence in another part of my body later in life. So how do I get rid of it?

Remove the lump. Get radiation, maybe chemo. So I start thinking of what that means: adding a team of doctors to my contact list, taking time off from work and how to fit treatments into my schedule. 

Then the bomb drops. The oncologist tells me I will lose my hair. My heart sinks. I love my hair. I've spent years growing it out so I can perfect the Princess Leia buns. I go through shock each time I cut it. I can't imagine it coming out in clumps. That's when the severity of my diagnosis hits me.  

The hardest four words I have ever spoken in my life are, "I have breast cancer." It was hard enough to figure out how to tell the  people I love. But to add losing my hair... I lost it. And that's when the rest of the bad news followed.

I learned that after chemo, a woman's eggs can be damaged. I was advised to consider egg harvesting before I start chemo. I would have make this decision in less than 48 hours if I wanted to make it within the window to get the eggs retrieved. My oncologist wanted chemo to start right away. My surgeon wanted to remove the lump as quickly as possible too. I proceeded to the fertility doctor recommended to me. She advised me to start hormone injections and strongly consider making a decision about my future family. I would have make this decision in less than 48 hours if I wanted to make it within the window to get the eggs retrieved.

I've never had to make a serious life decision like that. I'm 31, happily not yet married to the best boyfriend in the world. I had no idea how he would take the idea of me asking him to make an immediate decision about any future family we could plan. I couldn't bear the thought of trying to have kids then have cancer return. I can't imagine my life without him, my close friends and family. The odds of us having a natural conception after I undergo chemo is 5-10%. What about the cost to harvest the eggs, cryo-freezing and invitro-fertilization? Expensive, but cheaper than adoption. That shocked me. My head was spinning about what to do. I figured this would be the toughest decision I have to make. At least that's what I thought.

Now, I have an appointment to determine if the 5th lump is malignant too. If it is, then a mastectomy will have to be considered for removing my right breast. Plus, I start prep-work for the egg retrieval. 

It's amazing how much your life can change in just 48 hours. More news to follow. Hopefully photos / video as I go through treatment.